I’m a very selfish person. It’s true, and you know what? There’s no shame in the game. Being selfish, especially at this stage in my life, is extremely important. I have a very serious attitude about working for myself, on myself, and towards the future. And the more I work for and think about what’s ahead, the clearer I start to see the things I want in my future.
One thing that I don’t see, though, is kids. I’ve always been called the “mom” of my friend group, mostly because I’m always pouring water down everyone’s throats at parties and safely driving everyone home. While I do enjoy taking care of myself and those close to me, I’m not so sure if I want to do the same thing for a baby.
The first thing that really turns me off to having a child is pregnancy itself. Yes, I know, it can be a beautiful, life-changing, and empowering experience for women, but that just isn’t my jam. I just don’t see how having a human being inside you for 9 whole months can be pleasant. I also don’t see how constantly having to pee is empowering. With all the UTI’s I’ve experienced in life, that shit is annoying.
Now, I’m not trying to shit on pregnancy and all the women who have been/are/will be pregnant. That is entirely your decision, but this is my perspective on it. And the reality is that I’m too selfish to put my body through that.
I watched a TED talk not too long ago by Christen Reighter where she talks about her decision to abstain from having children, and the experience she went through to “tie her tubes,” for lack of a better word. What was interesting to me was how many of her close friends, family, and even her doctor were so discouraging of her decision to undergo the procedure. Everyone kept saying, “you’ll change your mind,” or, “are you sure you want that?”
That’s usually the general reaction that I have when I tell family members or friends that I don’t want to have kids. But what is so wrong with that? Why is there so much pressure for women to live up to this expected role of being a mother? Women are capable of so many more amazing and incredible things, not just popping babies out left and right.
Pregnancy and birth are miraculous parts of life, don’t get me wrong, but if those are things I don’t want to take part in, I shouldn’t be crucified for it. It’s my body and my choice to have children or not, and there isn’t really any room for anyone else’s opinion but my own. At the end of the day, I am more comfortable with the fact knowing I can’t and do not want to care for a child than actually having one just to prove to others I could do it, or because everyone said I would eventually have to do it.
Just let women do what they want, people. We deal with enough crap from all these old white men in DC thinking they know a woman’s body better than a woman does. And they’re an even bigger pain in the ass than childbirth.
photo by Laur Fernandez Photography