Sometimes I think I really know myself.
Then life likes to hit me with a few hard passes and I don’t even know who that bitch is dodging everything coming her way.
The past 6 months have been quite a wild ride, and if I’m being honest, I’m not so sure who that girl was that handled everything the way she did. Because that vegan bitch that I know would have caught everything flying her way, and pegged it back harder.
We all like to think we are capable of handling situations in certain ways, but nothing ever plays out the way we imagine it.
It’s funny, though, I am so sure of who I am, what I want, what I’m worth. I know a red flag when I see one. I know when something is not going to end up working in my favor. I know that extra side of fries isn’t going to feel good tomorrow. And yet I don’t listen to that voice that tells me what I already know.
Instead, I push that voice aside, ignore the hell out of it, and set myself up for self-sabotage. I know that voice inside is dying to be heard, but I’ve had it on mute for quite some time.
Ignorance is not bliss, people. It is the first step to duplicity.
I have this strange habit of ignoring the truth and listening to the voice that tells me what I want to hear. And once someone utters any slight of truth, it feels like deceit. It interferes with the reality I’ve created.
I like to think that my past experiences have led me to build a better future. I’ve gone through so much growth, soul-searching, heartache, and revelation just to ignore the side of myself I know is right. And there it is, almost on cue: deception.
And you know what’s funny? I’m almost always surprised by it. In the beginning, it’s always, “Oh, this probably isn’t going to end well, but let’s ride it out and hope for the best.” And then at some point down the road, I think, “Wait a second, this isn’t working? What the f*ck!!”
You know that feeling you get in your stomach when you have to make a a huge decision? That’s your gut pulling and tugging at you with what you know is the right thing to do. Listen to that ‘ish!
I’ve felt the gut tug, and I’ve ignored it relentlessly.
“The gut be damned! I’m doing what I want.” Oh, you stupid, little bitch.
And sure, everyone ignores their gut and does stupid shit. Guys may do really, really stupid shit, but girls do stupid shit, too. We also fart and take big dumps. I don’t know why people think girls shouldn’t do that.
I have so many amazing and wonderful friends who deserve nothing but the world, but we all like to let that voice that tells us what we want to hear run the show. Which, oh man, we shouldn’t.
So here is what I propose:
Listen to your gut. It’s an organ that knows you better than your head or your heart. Your gut instinct should always be recognized and acknowledged. You know you have the ability to do what’s best for you, so don’t shove it aside. Don’t go with what you think is right. Go with what you know is right.
That conniving voice in your head has one goal, and one goal only: to make you do stupid shit.
So grab the duct tape, and shut that voice the f*ck up.